The Soul Project Week 12: Love Of Family

The Tierney family on Christmas Day 2016 with baby Zelie at Children’s Mercy Hospital

“It was the best Christmas we’ve ever had!” That’s still what my kids say about last year’s Christmas–the Christmas we spent at the Ronald McDonald House near the hospital where their newest sibling, Zelie, was fighting to overcome a severe heart defect. And even one year later, I have to admit that I feel pulled to return to that hospital. I want to walk through the front doors with my healthy baby and remember how grateful I am.

Immediately after returning home from Zelie’s open heart surgery, I felt so happy just to be. It really didn’t matter where I was or what I was doing–I was just glad to be out of the hospital, with a healthy baby, and the anxiety of her surgery over with.

But, over time, the elation of her homecoming has worn off. And I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter where our life’s journey has taken us, we will always have exhausting days, times of down heartedness, and discouragement in our own failings.

This week, as we’ve talked about the importance of family, we’ve recognized that even the most loving of families can’t keep us from experiencing sorrows in life. We read about St. Louis and Zelie Martin, parents of St. Therese of Lisieux, who buried four of their babies. They were sad. They suffered. But they still made beautiful memories with their family and inspired an unsurpassing love of God within their living daughters.

It’s incredible how the love of family can turn a nightmare into an experience that only radiates love. It can turn a hospital into a haven and a Ronald McDonald House into “the best Christmas ever”.

That’s why I feel pulled to return. Because in the midst of the struggles of every day life, it’s the pulling together of family in times of real suffering that reminds me of how much I am loved. It’s the love of family that is the reflection of God’s great love for us.

For more ideas on teaching the Catholic faith to your children, see Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle’s book Feeding Your Family’s Soul: Dinner Table Spirituality.

Copyright Charisse Tierney 2017

Image credit Charisse Tierney. All rights reserved.

The Soul Project Week 11: About Sin

“Sin is an offense against God…Sin sets itself against God’s love for us and turns our hearts away from it.”

Catechism of the Catholic Church 1850

At this year’s Midwest Catholic Family Conference, I heard Catholic evangelist, author, and tour guide Steve Ray give a talk. One of his stories especially stuck with me: “Someday,” Steve said, “my hope is that I will get to the gates of heaven. Once there, St. Peter will look for my name in the Book of Life. Hopefully, he will find it there and open the gates of heaven for me. But just before I step through those gates, I’ll see my neighbor across the way and realize that he is being directed away from the gates of heaven. This is a neighbor who lived next door to me for most of my adult life. While on earth, we would exchange pleasantries whenever we saw each other, and even though I knew he didn’t go to church regularly or live a life focused on Christ, I avoided the subject and just focused on keeping the peace between us.

But in that moment, as we stand across from each other between heaven and hell, my neighbor will look at me and ask St. Peter, ‘Why is he getting into heaven and I’m not?’

And after St. Peter explains that I knew the teachings of the Church and lived them, my neighbor will look at me with accusing eyes and say, ‘You mean you KNEW all of this and didn’t tell me?’”

Sin is a touchy subject. It’s difficult to tell our neighbor when we see an error in their ways. While we mustn’t ignore the plank in our own eye, we are also called to help our neighbor remove the splinter in his. This is how we help our neighbor and fulfill our calling as Christians to take as many souls to heaven with us as we can.

And while balancing prudence with true charity is a challenge with many of the people in our lives, I think it comes a bit easier with our own children. Certainly, it is our duty as their parents to shepherd them to heaven. And this means we must talk to them about the dangers of sin, the horrors of hell, and that even though it is the grace of the Cross that will bring us to heaven, we must guard against choosing to cut ourselves off from that grace through sin.

I find that my children readily accept these teachings on sin. They are eager for guidance and want to know how they can one day get to heaven.

As for me, it’s painful to think of the earthly separations that are sure to come between me and my children. It hurts to think that someday we will not all be gathered around a table together on a daily basis. It hurts even more to think that there may be Thanksgivings and Christmases in our futures when we will not all be together. I look forward to watching my children grow and mature, but motherhood is forever bittersweet.

Which is why I talk to them about sin. Because my greatest joy will be the day that we are all gathered together for eternity around the heavenly table–to share in the Supper of the Lamb.

For more ideas on teaching the Catholic faith to your children, see Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle’s book Feeding Your Family’s Soul: Dinner Table Spirituality  and companion video.

Copyright 2017 Charisse Tierney

The Soul Project Week 10: Learning About Prayer From the Saints

One night, I was telling my children about the Fatima apparitions and the requests Our Lady made known to the three children. “She told them that we should pray the Rosary daily,” I said. “Well then we should do it,” my 11-year-old son replied without hesitation.

At that moment, I understood why Our Lady of Fatima appeared to three young children. My own children remind me so often what real faith looks like. Their acceptance of the teachings of the Church is so pure, so trusting, and instantaneous. In their hearts, they possess the wisdom to know what is right and act upon it.

This is the type of wisdom we see in the saints as we examine their prayer lives. They come to God with complete trust, so simple in their love for Him.  In her book, Feeding Your Family’s Soul, Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle tells us St. Therese of Lisieux’s description of prayer: “For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.”

Our family has been looking to the saints over the past week for inspiration on how to improve our own prayer lives. We’ve been working to incorporate a daily decade of the Rosary together, with the hopes of working up to a complete five-decade daily Rosary. Admittedly, we’ve had a few nights when the day has gotten away from us, and have felt too tired to pray before bed. One night, after a long day, my husband and I simplified our bedtime prayer routine, leaving out the Rosary decade. Before being allowed to be tucked in, our 6-year-old son said, “But we didn’t say our Rosary!” I told him he could say the decade on his own before he fell asleep–and he told me the next morning that he did.

I’m continually amazed at how God fills in the gaps. How, if I just try to teach my children something, He picks up where my sometimes exhausted and inadequate humanity leaves off. It doesn’t take much to inspire a spiritual habit in our children, who so readily turn their simple looks toward heaven. When Jesus said that heaven belongs to such as these, He was reminding us to pay attention to the saints-in-the-making who live under our own roof.

I am continually inspired by the prayer habits of the saints–but I am sometimes even more inspired by those who will (hopefully) someday join them in heaven. My own children are being formed by the prayers of the saints in heaven every day–I just need to remember to pay attention.

Copyright 2017 Charisse Tierney

Image credit Charisse Tierney. All rights reserved.

The Soul Project Week 9: The Communion of Saints

My children love hearing the stories of the saints. The saints make holiness a reality for all of us. They help us to see that we can embrace our flawed humanity and still maintain hope in God’s mercy and heavenly promises. The saints give us practical insights on how to navigate the challenges of this world, while always growing closer to the next. They inspire us with their heroic acts of faith, their perseverance in prayer, and their humility as they work to overcome their own personal failings.

This week, instead of the goblins and ghouls of Halloween, our family focused on the real-life subjects of the upcoming feast of All Saints. Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle’s book, Feeding Your Family’s Soul, inspired us to ponder these holy lives and their heavenly realm. O’Boyle’s reflection questions from this chapter encouraged our family to talk about how to become a saint, and all of the good work the saints can do for us by their prayers in heaven.

My children had already been drawing closer to their saintly friends by making and playing with saint peg dolls. More than just a fun craft project, these dolls have led us to research the saints’ lives as we decide how to dress them and what accessories they should have. And as my children incorporate the dolls into their play, I hear them saying things like, “Francisco, do you have your Rosary?”  –yet more proof that the saints have always, and will always, work to draw us deeper into our Catholic faith and one day bring us to heaven with them.

For more ideas for teaching the Catholic faith to your children, see Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle’s book, Feeding Your Family’s Soul and the companion video.

Copyright 2017 Charisse Tierney

Images by Charisse Tierney. All rights reserved.

Feeding Your Family’s Soul Week 8: Honoring Mary

The policeman seemed to emerge from the shadows right next to our van, wearing a bullet proof vest and carrying his weapon in a defensive posture. He walked along the street, eyes darting, attempting to penetrate the darkness as he searched. My husband picked up speed as we tried to find our way through the maze of emergency vehicles that blocked our usual route home.

We had the baby with us, but we’d left our other five children at home under the watchful eye of our 13-year-old. We’d hoped to bring some of the peace and relaxation from our date night home with us, but our tension only built as we wondered what we were returning home to.

Fortunately, we got out of the crime scene safely, and the street on which we lived was quiet. The Hail Mary’s I’d been silently repeating in my head dissolved into relief as I walked in the door of our house to find all of our children safe and happy.

We soon learned that during an attempted robbery in the neighborhood through which we had just driven, a homeowner had been shot and the “armed and dangerous” suspect had fled on foot.

Right here in small town Kansas.

In a good neighborhood.

Where my husband and I had just been driving, right around the time of the crime.

You can try to do everything possible to keep your family safe. But no matter where you live, or what you do, there will always be an element of evil in the world that is completely beyond your control.

That is where our Blessed Mother comes in.

The messages of Fatima tell us that Mary is aware and interested in everything that happens in our world. From our personal interior lives, to the realm of the political sphere, she is there. She is fearless. And she is fighting for all of us. She carries our prayers to our Lord in a splendor of purity and glory–she prays for us in a way that we never could on our own. At the Fatima apparitions in 1917, she warned us of the imminence of world war, and of our fate if our hearts are not fully converted to the Lord.

Because she cares. Deeply.

When an assassin attempted to murder Pope John Paul II on May 13, 1981, the bullet narrowly missed vital organs. Although badly injured, the pope recovered, and was convinced that it was our Lady who saved him. As he said, “One hand shot, and another guided the bullet.” Even the assassin himself revealed in an interview that he was shocked his bullet had missed its mark. He seemed to realize that an unseen force had worked against him.

This is why we honor Mary, and why we teach our children to honor her. Her yes to be the mother of Jesus was also her yes to be a mother to us all–a yes to do everything possible to bring the world to her Son.

My children have loved hearing the story of the Fatima apparitions during this special anniversary year. We continue to make an effort to pray the Rosary together as a family, and we all enjoyed an evening at a local IHM novitiate house where we shared a meal, joined a procession with our Lady of Fatima, and prayed a Rosary with several hundred others.

And I am grateful and relieved that I can give my children a mother who, unlike me, is  perfect. A mother who will watch over my children when I cannot. A mother who will help me as we work together to carry them to heaven.

For more ideas on sharing the Catholic faith with your children, see Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle’s book Feeding Your Family’s Soul: Dinner Table Spirituality.

Copyright 2017 Charisse Tierney

The Soul Project Week 7: Grateful For Life

We had our first real taste of fall weather this morning. As I sat snuggling my 9-month-old, savoring the warmth of her little body while the wind whipped outside and the furnace hummed inside, I felt grateful. Grateful for this little life, saved by modern medicine from the effects of a severe heart defect. She is our rainbow baby–our first living baby after the loss of miscarriage. There is nothing like losing a child to make you more fully appreciate the gift of another.

Our entire family felt the loss of that miscarriage deeply. My other children instantly understood that the tiniest baby in the womb is a life to be treasured. We all still talk about Julian as a valued member of our family, waiting and praying for us in heaven.

And just as we’ve learned the value of life from its very beginnings, so too, have we learned the value of life wrapped in the innocence and humility of disability. I’ve witnessed my children help my handicapped sister tie her shoes, climb a flight of stairs, and walk up to receive communion. My sister was my mother’s first child. When she became pregnant with me, her doctor advised her to have extensive testing done. He said that if any results of those tests looked at all questionable, she should consider having an abortion.

Thankfully, my mother chose life from the moment she conceived me. No testing, no questioning, just life. She chose life, and now my sister has a tiny army of spiritual warriors in my six children–a whole army to educate with her priceless lessons in patience, sacrifice, and love.

Now, my children are getting older–and so are my parents. And even though there are times when my children would rather be playing video games or hanging out with their friends instead of visiting with grandma and grandpa, they are also learning to appreciate the wisdom and unconditional love that comes with age. They are learning to appreciate the gifts that only a well-seasoned life can offer.

This week, our family discussed the value of life. We talked about the evils of abortion and euthanasia and the importance of praying for an end to these practices. But most of all, we simply built upon the culture of life that we’ve built into our family. We’re hoping to attend a Mass with our bishop outside of a local abortion clinic later this month. My daughter recently toured a pregnancy crisis center with her Little Flowers Girls’ Club group.

I’ve been amazed at how simple it is to present these pro-life values to my children. It makes sense to them. Trying to explain to an innocent child what abortion is starkly reveals its horrors. My children have seen for themselves that the beauty of life isn’t in its perfection, or ease, or convenience. They’ve seen firsthand how some of the heaviest crosses in life are the most beautiful, and how openness to life is a gift worth sharing.

Copyright 2017 Charisse Tierney

Art in photo by Jean Keaton

For more lessons in the Catholic faith, see Feeding Your Family’s Soul: Dinner Table Spirituality by Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle.

Prayer of St. Francis For Parents

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace in my home:

Where there is fighting between siblings, help me to remind them
     of their love for each other;
Where there are hurt feelings, help me to show their little hearts
     how to forgive;
Where there is negative self-talk, help me to remind them
     of the wisdom of their Creator;
Where there is discouragement in school work or relationships,
     help me to show them there is always someone to care and help;
Where there is darkness threatening to consume their hearts and minds,
     help me to be aware of its presence and know how to get them
     the help they need;
Where there are tears flowing freely, help me to always take the time
     to offer a shoulder and a tissue.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
a break at the end of a long day as to give someone else the comfort
     and rest they need,
to have my feelings heard as to listen to the tender feelings
     of my children,
to be openly admired and thanked as to shower small acts of love
     on my family.

For it is in lovingly preparing a home cooked meal that we receive
     true spiritual nourishment,
it is in forgiving the short tempers of tired, hungry children
     that we are forgiven our own bursts of impatience,
and it is in giving just a little more love at the end of the day–when we
     think we have nothing left to give–that we move one step closer
     to heaven.

  Amen.

Copyright 2017 Charisse Tierney

The Rush Of Angels’ Wings

This week, our family chose to focus on the chapter on angels from Feeding Your Family’s Soul.

This subject instantly captivated my children. They were fascinated with the varying strengths of three of the archangels, and they loved coming up with all of the different ways their own guardian angels help and protect them throughout their days. And our conversations on the recent feast of the archangels and feast of the Holy Guardian Angels highlighted another strength of O’Boyle’s book: that you can pick and choose from the 53 different chapters, lining them up with a coinciding feast day or liturgical season.

As my children and I work our way through the many facets of our Catholic faith, they are growing in understanding of the power of God and His Church. They saw this week that they don’t have to rely only on their parents, teachers, or other authority figures for protection and guidance. There is Someone much bigger watching over them, and He has a multitude of helpers assisting Him. The angels are constantly fighting the battle of good and evil for us. And while they may not always be able to eliminate evil altogether, they are sure to always rush in and carry us through it.

Whether protecting us from bodily harm, guiding us from temptation, or escorting us to our heavenly home, the angels are always there. In the midst of even the greatest tragedies, you can hear the rush of angels’ wings.

This was the lesson we all learned this week. That a power greater than ourselves will never forsake us. That the trials of this world, however horrific, are passing, and the angels are committed to leading us through to that upon which our gaze should always be fixed: our eternal home in heaven.

Copyright 2017 Charisse Tierney

The Soul Project Week 5: The Consecrated Life–A Life For Everyone

“The shepherd cannot run at the first sign of danger.” Those are the words of Fr. Stanley Rother, a priest from a farm in Oklahoma. A priest who, in his own quiet way, persisted through his struggles with Latin to become a priest, listened to God’s calling to fulfill a mission in Guatemala, and ultimately laid down his life for the Church and those he served.

This past weekend, my husband and my 13-year-old son traveled to Oklahoma City to attend the beatification Mass for Fr. Rother. My husband and I were hoping it would inspire our son, and give him some interesting substance for a school project.

Even though they arrived at the convention center early, throngs of people were lined up outside the doors. The convention center was full, and as my husband and son entered the lobby area, they were told that even the overflow seating was filled to capacity. There were probably 17,000 people seated in the convention center, and my husband guessed that at least 2,000 were turned away.

At first, this was a huge disappointment. But my husband tried to make the best of it and enjoyed some time with our son. They visited the Oklahoma City National Bombing Memorial and a science museum. And even though the original intent of the trip had fallen through, we realized that our son had been inspired. He was inspired by the crowds of people who wanted to witness a saint being made. He saw for himself the impact that a person who has fully committed his life to God can make.

My son saw the impact of a life of consecration that weekend–both in Fr. Rother and in my husband.

One of the compelling elements of Fr. Rother’s story is that he is an “ordinary martyr”. He grew up as a small farm boy in a family that simply practiced their faith–a family who knelt beside their modest dining table every night after dinner and prayed the Rosary–a family who worked hard, but also never failed to pray hard. But it was this simple life of devotion that led to the crown of martyrdom when the persecutions in Guatemala brought extremists to the bedside of Fr. Rother. It was this simple life of devotion that brought Fr. Rother back to Guatemala, even after a brief escape back to Oklahoma when he learned he was on a “death list” in his mission territory.

While my husband and I fortunately don’t live in mission territory under such severe persecution, we do have daily battles to face. Over-committed schedules, exhaustion, homework, and illness threaten our family’s prayer life. The pulls of worldly pleasures and technology threaten our focus on God. And, at times, we even feel deterred from the “good things” we try to do–like attend beatification Masses.

But, as Fr. Rother said, “The shepherd cannot run at the first sign of danger.” As parents, we are here to shepherd our children–to guide them into the safety of the chosen flock in heaven. We cannot run. Even when it is difficult, even when we don’t feel like it, even when we fail, we must get up again. We must return to our mission territory of our children’s hearts and face whatever awaits us there.

That is what I saw my husband do this past weekend, and that is what my son saw him do. They may have felt the loss of a small battle in missing the beatification Mass, but my husband stayed committed to his life of consecration–that of husband and father. And that was all the inspiration my son truly needed.

Copyright 2017 Charisse Tierney

The Soul Project Week 4: Humility

“Sometimes God allows [the devil] to cause some obstacles to hinder our work, especially when we are working for the salvation of souls.” –Fr. Andrew Apostoli, Fatima For Today

“Be the kind of woman who, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says “Oh, no! She’s up.” –Joanne Clancy 

Do you know how much the devil would love to have your children’s souls? And how much he would love to have your help in acquiring them?

As parents, we are in a daunting business. The business of saving souls. No one is more aware of this than the devil. He loves to tempt us away from our duty. To fill us with discouragement, with feelings of doubt and inadequacy. He loves nothing more than to see us allow the family Rosary to go by the wayside for a week, or to feel so frustrated and exhausted by the end of the bedtime routine that we forgo bedtime prayers.

I’ve certainly felt the devil’s pull this week. The temptation to give up. The thoughts that I’m not good enough, or that nothing I try to teach my children will really make a difference anyway.

But when I have thoughts like that, I have to remind myself of their source. I have to remind myself of the objective truth that instructing my children in the faith is worthy of pursuit, whether I feel like it or not. And so, even though our family didn’t all quite make it to the table together every single night this week, and even though I felt like I was at the end of my rope some evenings, I still opened Feeding Your Family’s Soul and tried my best to have a faith filled conversation with my family.

We learned together about St. Catherine Laboure and her visions and instructions for casting the Miraculous Medal. We marveled at her humility and persistence. She didn’t boast to others about her visions of Mary. And she didn’t give up when even her confessor didn’t believe her. It takes true humility not to boast, and it takes true humility to speak the truth when it is difficult. It is through humility that we veil our gifts from pride even while the glory of God can’t help but shine through.

This week, our family supplemented the wonderful discussion questions in O’Boyle’s book with points from a little handbook called How to be Somebody: Cultivating the Interior Garden FULL CONTACT by Mark Mendes. I adapted questions from this book for my children to ponder, such as: “Do you think that what you do or say is better than what others do or say?” and “Do you think that all your talents, gifts, and qualities are all yours and are not on loan by the Merciful Savior?” and “Do you frequently interrupt people while they are speaking?”

It is especially on the days that are the hardest that God will reward our efforts to teach our children. It takes humility to return to prayer when we’ve fallen away. It takes humility to apologize for an impatient outburst and ask our family for a second chance. It  takes humility to rise each morning, prepared to fight the devil, knowing that we can only do that by relying fully on God.

Humility allows us to empty ourselves and make space for God. As our family studied this virtue together, I was reminded of its importance–and the importance of gently reprimanding my children when they are less than humble. While some are more naturally humble than others, I think it is a lifelong process for everyone to turn themselves completely over to God’s will. Hopefully, in time, my family and I can all help each other to model ourselves after the humility of the Holy Family. And when our feet hit the floor each morning the devil will say, “Oh no! They’re up!”

Copyright 2017 Charisse Tierney